a glimmer of god

3AM Thoughts

I watched a podcast on choosing rest today... and it really hit me. I know I'm tired but quite frankly, I'm burned out. The thing is, I have thoughts racing through my head trying to configure how to create streams. On the one hand, I need more finances right away and on the other, what the Lord has called me to do is very paced. I am trying to evaluate all of the weight that I am carrying. I am considering what to let go of and what to keep. This is a very difficult task, as I love everything that I do. I love serving on the media team, I love our business, I love writing, creating art, etc. I just can't handle it all right now. And to be very honest, I don't know which one to sit down. I don't know if I should even sit anything down... On the other hand, some of my weight is personal. There has been a significant shift in my life this year.
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It's a shift that I prayed for, but it looks different than what I imagined. I have faced some truths this year that have crushed my soul. I have seen God show up in the strangest of ways. I am wading and walking on water. It's truly an oxymoron.

My thoughts have been racing for some time now and it seems that writing is the only thing that slows them down. I imagine that this is why God has called me to write daily. I'm realizing now that I'm not just writing for Him and for you. I am writing for me. I've been avoiding writing since I finished my book. Something about it just kind of intimidated me. I'm not sure why but now I wish I hadn't. I am wondering if I stay consistent in writing, will the weight just fall off?

Will the pressure become easier to bear?
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I don't even know why I started typing this... But now that I'm here. I am becoming so aware of the significance of my words. I have held so many on my tongue, you would think it was a dam. But as my fingertips dance across these letters, my words break loose. They are bursting out like water that is desperate to be free.
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I'll make a promise to myself tonight. I will not allow my own soul to stand in the way of my words. There is so much power in the written word. I can say so much more here. More than my actual mouth will allow. I cannot explain the peace that just rested on me. It is almost holy. As if, God has been waiting for me to arrive to this space.
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Tonight, my response is, "Father, I hear you, and I am here to do this your way."

Thank you for allowing me some space inside of your day. I will try to always make sure to make the most of your time.

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Be honest. Be hopeful. Be love.

Peace.

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